With tissues at the ready we Belles ventured out of Pollicott today headed to Oxford and our anxiously awaited visit to Helen & Douglas House. With the traffic against us we arrived just on time and struggled to find a parking space in the busy back streets between the Cowley and Iffley roads. With traffic jamming the narrow streets, and a drunken Irishman throwing randomly abusive comments at us, it was hard to imagine we would find this place of supposed calm and tranquility. But, as we stepped through the gates of Helen House we were transported from the hustle and bustle that lay beyond! We were in another world.
This world is a facility that costs £4.5 million a year to run and currently supports over 300 families through the challenges, trauma and tragedy of living with a terminally ill child or young adult.
Helen House and Douglas House are two adjacent hospices where terminally ill children and young adults receive exceptional respite and end of life care. Both houses pioneered the provision of hospice care for the age groups they support - without them most terminally ill young people would spend much of their short lives (and the end) in the confines of a hospital.
We three Belles had tried to imagine what it would be like to visit somewhere where children die and we expected different to what we experienced today - we wondered would it be:
- Hospital like? no - there is nothing remotely hospital about either of the houses - no smell, no uniforms, no porters, nothing like that - there are, however, plenty of sofa's, pictures, photos, toys, technology and there's even a bar in Douglas!
- Soulless? no - even on this grey, cold, wet, windy November day the houses are bright and airy with a warm spirit shining through.
- Sad? well we shed a tear or two at the introduction video but quickly caught on to the fact that this place is about life and how to ensure, albeit shortened, lives have depth.
Both houses are extremely well equipped with care facilities and home comforts to meet the needs of guests, and their families, during their visits. As well as bedrooms for the 'patients' (guests) there are several family flats where parents and siblings can stay while their child is cared for at Helen or Douglas House (if they want to). Each house has a sensory room that can bring tranquility and vibrancy to even the most poorly people. Each has a Jacuzzi (in Douglas' the guests can enjoy a beer if their medication allows!). Each has a music room.
It is easy to think of a hospice as being for the dying rather than the living. Our visit brought new perspective as this place is for the living and each guest is living with their individual talents and interests - in the music rooms musicians 'jam', in the art rooms creativity is evident, in the lounges entertainment comes from flat screen TV's, Wii, X-Box and DVD's, in the restaurants chefs cater for hungry young people. Douglas House has wide corridors - when the building was specified the first teenagers who would live there asked for this feature - for wheelchair racing!
Death inevitably comes and Helen & Douglas is there to make the end of a life comfortable and as stress free as it can possibly be. The Little Room in Helen House and the Starfish Room in Douglas House are where many guests end their young lives with their family, in privacy. Within the sanctuary of these rooms families can take as long as they need to say goodbye to their child - up until their funeral if necessary. The team here also supports the family through the practicalities of registering a death and arranging a funeral.
The end of a life is not the end of the Helen & Douglas House commitment as bereavement support is all part of everyday life. Professional support is available as, and when, needed and families benefit from the practical and emotional support they can offer one another through parent groups, grandparent groups and sibling groups. Siblings even have the opportunity to attend camp where they can share their fears and feelings with one another in a 'parent' free environment.
Here's the catch! it all has to be paid for! and that's mainly done through fundraising. 15% of the funding comes from government and the rest comes from community fundraising so that's where we come in. Our fundraising target will contribute 0.022% of the annual cost to keep Helen & Douglas Houses running and improving. All we can ask is for your support in our fundraising activities (which will be an experience too) and/or you to sponsor us to do our cycle challenge across the South Downs in June 2011.
Our couple of hours at Helen & Douglas House leaves us in no doubt that this charity will truly value our efforts and will use the funds we raise to help children and young adults, and their families, through their journey in life.
